May 4th, 2020
At Home. Vol.4
“When I was just a little pisser, I knew that I would only truly become a man upon the day that I could grow a mustache”
—Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe
I finish college in 8 days. That’s wild. Paradoxically today marks the start of dead week, and is also May the 4th so odds are I’ll just watch A New Hope and get zeros on a couple assignments.
We are starting week 8 of quarantine in Iowa City, and the population recently cracked. Maybe its the weather, maybe its school getting stressful, perhaps its just needing to get away from whoever you’re stuck with. It’s probably all these things. Whatever the cause, downtown may be closed, but Iowa City is drunk, loud, and walking around. Darties are in full swing, though from my observation, most are keeping them in a small(ish) circle.
As a few of you know, I have taken liberties with the opportunity to not scare away customers and grew a mustache— a “quaranstache” if you will. I lift my head and see my newfound brethren on every HyVee aisle, twitter feed, and instagram story and *feel* something that resembles a pride. If you have the means, I implore you. Though we’ll compare the tip jar if J*va ever opens up again. Small side note: I recently found a shirt I purchased from Raygun in 2013 during a Gov’t shutdown that is printed “Nonessential,” which I find beautifully relevant as a now nonessential barista.
To those of you who are wondering what its like to be a senior in college in this moment, Finals are next week, and I have no idea if I have any. I do know I have a client presentation detailing the intricacies of marketing eggs on social media—shoutout you if you took that survey, the World owes you a debt. I have decided not to virtually walk at graduation, not because I find it a waste of time—I do. But because I find the gag of never actually graduating to be far better than the gag of graduating from Zoom University.
Soon I’ll just be unemployed with a creepy van.
April 6th, 2020
At Home. Vol.2
“American girls are as clever at concealing their parents as
English women are at concealing their past”
—Lord Henry, The Picture of Dorian Gray
Today marks the 19th day since I’ve had a coffee. Or for a better known measure: we are on week four of quarantine here in the epicenter of the Iowa outbreak, Iowa City.
Permit me this week’s rant.
This past weekend we, the UIowa Triathlon Team, were scheduled to be in Tempe, Arizona for Nationals. The majority of us had been training through the Winter, with others on that *classic* three week swim program. Needless to say, we have no right to be in our current fitness this early in the Spring. But we’re not in Tempe and that didn’t feel real until a teammate, Levi, posted a video of the energy around last year’s draft legal race. I got a pit in my stomach.
Maintaining weight isn’t hard, but maintaining fitness is. Our race season started three weeks ago— in reality, it’s never going to. I ride out to a T-intersection on almost all my rides, I stop and eat for a second and stare at that sign: I can go two directions. That path could follow business as usual, but is that right, is it healthy?
I’ve been steady on one goal— not letting my body waste away over the next few months. I cut caffeine, I cut booze, I exercise more than ever, but it doesn’t feel right and I can’t explain it.
I stare at that sign and think, what I should change, would that make me feel different? Spring is traditionally the bearer of positivity, a literal end to the darkness of winter. However this year is different, we’ve imposed upon ourselves a winter of our own designs, and it’s not going to leave with the Summer sun.
Mar 31st, 2020
At Home. Vol.1
“There is a zero percent chance that the University will close, they don’t give a shit about anyone”
”
—J. Nagla, 3/9/20
I could start this by outlining everything I thought I would be doing this Spring. I could say how angry/sad/annoyed it makes me. I could—but everyone else already has.
Instead I’ll start by saying I owe J. Brook $7.58. We had our first online class. You win.
Instead think that as of March 30th, 2020 Zoom, a video chat company, was worth more than the entire US airline industry.
I was laid off 13 days ago, and it becomes painfully clear how much I personally depend on my job for my sanity, friendships, and human contact. It would be plausible to think that I work(ed) at that shop for the money (because I do need that), but it was really for the people.
I remember in 2017, the Spring of my Freshman year at the University of Iowa, I worked three jobs in food service at the University— the basement bakery, the Clinton St C-Store, and that god-damned mother-f*cking food truck......Street Hawk! In reality I kept the latter two positions for the semester (the truck was amazing), but I worked in the bakery for less than a month for one simple reason— the people.
At this time, I am out of week-old bakery, haven’t had coffee in 13 days, and purchased ice cream at the store for the first time this school year. To quote my roommate,
“I knew it was bad when you came back from Hy-Vee with sugar cereal and a bucket of ice cream.”
Mar 8th, 2020
An Argument for Cash Tips: Wage Theft
“Theives respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that
they may more perfectly respect it.”
—G. K. Chesterton, The Man Who Was Thursday
The Fair Labor Standards Act from March 2018 forbids employers from withholding tips earned by employees for any reason. Period. Not to pay out owners or management. Definitely not as a punitive act. These actions are illegal.
Perhaps its malicious. Perhaps its ignorance. Perhaps its only poor book keeping. Whatever the case, service workers are uncomfortable with the notion of confronting their bosses about this issue.
Tip pools. A bane and a blessing. Tips made on credit are wholly owned by employees, businesses use pools to pay out back-of-house employees a share of the earnings. As long as each employee makes minimum wage before payout (and no tip credit is claimed by the business), this is perfectly fine, maybe even preferable.
But. These tip pools are managed and controlled by the employer, meaning your $3 AMEX tip could just as likely end up in the owner’s pocket as it could in that fun & flirty barista’s. Again, that’s illegal. But it happens.
84% of full-service restaurants investigated by the Department of Labor’s wage and hour division between 2010 & 2012 violated labor standards. It happens.
Help out a bartender, a waiter, a barista. Avoid the pool.
Tip cash.
Colandra, Colleen. Ramos Law. June 5, 2018
Hatic, Dana. Eater. Sep 25, 2018.
Feb 9th, 2020
Contemplating the 'Generosity' of the Iowa City Coffee Snob
“Tip your drag queens, bartenders, and don’t rub your chopsticks together at the sushi restaurant. Also, in general, don’t be a dirtbag human.”
—Aquaria
The convention of tipping is an important, culturally specific act of manners and kindness—but also a point of friction and disappointment. It is something service always notices, takes note, and remembers for future interactions. Make no doubt if you tip as a regular, the service you receive will be leaps and bounds above par.
As your college neighborhood barista I can say Winter Break is a time of mixed feelings. Hours are cut, though closers rest at a reasonable time. Townies come out of the woodwork— we love townies. Townies tip generously compared to the typical college student (and surprisingly more than the affluent sorority girl), which in some way makes up for the mind-numbing lack of traffic.
Notable for thought are the tipping habits of various groups of people in Iowa City. The elderly never tip (a singular quarter is generous to them), apparently crafting drinks that require skill and expertise does not constitute the same reward as pouring a beer to them. Gen X and Millenials are quite generous, especially if they are mothers or fathers. A typical student will tip if they think you’re cute (nice.), a student who’s a regular/in the service industry always tips (we thank you).
The minority of tippers in Iowa City that truly impress are those among the international community who took the time to learn and respect the custom. You are a rare few.
Regardless, if you find yourself incredibly bored when class is out of session, stop by your fav coffee shop (maybe that one with the cool & cute staff), start a non-creepy conversation, tip a dollar, and hang out for a bit. We’re not busy.
